SKIN BONE HAIR FLESH

Ok. I’m thinking of making a test run kickstarter. I’d like to kickstart a huge project, but I’m really not sure how much work it involves with all the mailing things out and keeping track and whatnot, and if I’d be up for all that activity. I suppose if I made it big enough I could hire people to do the mailing out for me?

There’s so many things I’d like to kickstart: A gallery show of my photographs printed as large metallic prints? A special eyepatch with optional infrared photographic capabilities with matching shutter button and controls bracelet? The awesome adjustable kneelable wheelchair-tricycle-bicycle I’ve been dreaming of? Or special weight training gloves to help me grip the handles of workout machines so I (and people with EDS and similar conditions) can exercise without wrecking my hands? Could I kickstart LASIK for my good eye so I can use my eyepatch properly… Or kickstart for a huge monitor and computer so I could see what I’m doing properly? (probably not)

I am having some thinky issues. I find myself becoming more and more tired of photography, and have more and more of a drive to return to physical art; drawing, painting, building, etc. However, the same issues that originally drove me to photography in the first place still remain: seeing double, no depth perception, and a right hand that is growing weak, limp and hard to control but cramps when I use it to much. Those issues don’t just remain, they are exponentially growing worse - not to mention the pain the goes along with it and the subsequent lack of concentration or ability to just think STRAIGHT and not feel muddled and lost. 

I’ve over a year of unsorted photographs, but photography doesn’t seem interesting to me these days. I feel it’s become more of a compulsion than an artistic expression. I tire of the computer generated. I want charcoal smudges on my face, ink spots on my fingers, and the smell of turpentine on my clothes.

But drawing and painting terrifies me. It makes me break into tears almost every time I try. It’s quite cruel, life in this body, in this mind.